These days we all have our own particular challenges. For me, in addition to COVID and the racial strife plaguing our cities, I’m grieving the loss of my beloved companion, Oscar the poodle.
Oscar was 15 years and one month to the day when he passed. Clearly, my four-legged friend wasn’t going to be around forever. A very wise vet said to me once, you’re supposed to outlive this dog.
Nevertheless, my heart breaks. Perhaps there is no love like that of a dog: unconditional, forgiving and eternally joyful. Aside from Oscar’s undying love, he came into my life, unbeknownst to me, just when I was going to need him the most. He saw me through the painful days and long empty nights of divorce, and the insecurity and fear of beginning again.
I acknowledge that since Oscar was just a dog, my heartbreak is nowhere near what it would be had I lost a parent, a child or sibling. And perhaps since we only had eight years together, I have been able to distance myself enough from the sadness to be able to consider what lessons Oscar had for me as his life came to an end.
Lessons from Oscar
Oscar loved to be outside. He was never ready to come in, regardless of the weather. Often, I was rushed and too short on time to allow him a few extra minutes. From this I learned to allow extra space, just because.
At the end of his life, Oscar was basically an invalid. He needed Rob and me to help him get up, turn over and hold him steady as he walked. From this I learned patience.
As his physical body failed him, Oscar held on to his unquenchable zest for life, right up to the very end. He made a believer out of me; we are much more than merely skin and bones.
Oscar needed help getting up and turning over as he slept, and as his physical health deteriorated, this progressed to nighttime potty breaks, sometimes several a night. I slept on the futon downstairs so it’d be easier for us to get out quickly. I’m guessing this is similar to having a baby; sleep was elusive. This taught me that we can do hard things, and that it’s okay to be uncomfortable. I knew that the only way this sleeplessness would end, was when Oscar passed, so I tried not to grumble, and actually eased into an appreciation of our quiet time in the wee hours.
I could go on…but I believe the most important lesson learned from Oscar is the beauty and pain of being present.
As we witnessed his decline, we had no choice but to accept that he was dying. As hard as this was, both Rob and I were still happy to load him into the car for an adventure— a trip to Loose Park, a drive to the river, a visit to the Westside, all of his usual favs. It killed us to see him deteriorating, but we continued to enjoy every single moment.
While Oscar was definitely my dog, I never could have survived these past months without help from the other man in my life. Rob was there, maybe even more than me, caring for Oscar, right down to the very end.
I leave you with these words from Rob, written the day after Oscar’s death:
Slàinte! An Irish wake. Celebrate the life!
To Oscar, who passed away last night, the toughest dog I’ve ever known. A beautiful badass poodle who lived life as it should be lived. Chill, but ready to rock ‘n roll in a New York minute. If I had half the balls Oscar had as he lived out his final weeks, I woulda been an Olympic gold medalist. Fly high Oscar, your spirit will live on forever in those who knew you. Peace out to my spirit animal.
With love,
Lisa